“The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills.” Habakkuk 3:19 (NKJV)
Dear Sister,
I am writing to you not from a place of I have arrived, but still on the journey of healing.
Victory sometimes sounds loud when we hear it spoken in public spaces or when others tell their stories. It can feel bold and triumphant. But in my own healing journey from sexual trauma, victory has been very quiet, behind closed doors. It hasn’t looked like shouting. It has looked more like steady yet bumpy steps.
There were times or seasons one may say, when I wondered if I could ever trust again, especially God (still learning but not where I started). Not because I doubted God’s goodness, but because my trauma had shaped how my body responded to the world around me. Healing hasn’t been a single breakthrough moment. It has been something I have walked out slowly.
If you are walking slowly too, trust you are not behind, but exactly where God wants you to be.
When Victory Feels Quiet
After we experience trauma, the body learns to stay alert on guard if you will. It remembers what felt unsafe. Even when you know you are secure, your body may respond before your thoughts had a chance to catch up. That does not mean your faith is weak as some may say or have you even to believe. It means you survived something that required protection.
Shame often speaks in those moments. It tells you that you should be further along. It tells you that if you truly trusted God, your reactions would look different.
But Habakkuk did not say, “I am my own strength.”
Instead, it says, “The Lord God is my strength.”
Victory is not the absence of struggle, oh how I and probably you too, wished it was. It is knowing where our strength comes from.
Strength That Is Given, Not Performed
Habakkuk 3 was written in a time of uncertainty. The prophet did not say it wasn’t difficult. Rather, he acknowledged it. And yet he declared that the Lord Himself would be his strength.
Check the language.
He will make my feet.
He will make me walk.
This is true movement. The walking is real. But the strength is sourced and comes from God.
Shame says you must prove you are healed.
Trust says you can learn while you walk out your healing.
Victory is not striving to appear steady or healed. It is learning to depend on the One who steadies and has already healed you. Victory is walking this out.
Walking in Uneven Places
High hills are not just a flat surface. They can be uneven. They require some balance when you walk on them.
There have been times in my journey when I felt steady, and those moments when unexpected triggers surfaced and feeling steady wasn’t the option. A memory, a tone of voice, or a situation I did not anticipate could cause my body to react before my heart and mind had the time to catch up.
In those moments, I had to learn something slowly. A reaction is not the same as defeat.
Victory was not that I will never be shaken. Victory was when I kept returning to the truth of who my strength was and that I was already healed, just on a journey. This is what victory looks like for me.
When I Could Not Walk
There were times when walking did not feel strong or capable at all. This is where and when I leaned on Footprints in the Sand.
It’s a well-known poem, no it’s not Scripture, but it became and is meaningful in my own healing journey. It describes seasons when only one set of footprints appear, and the realization that those were the times Christ was carrying me.
That image helped me put into words what I had and do sometimes still live.
There were times when I was not walking confidently on high hills or rocky surfaces. There were moments when I was simply being carried.
And that did not disqualify me from victory.
It was part of it.
My Moment of Reflection
There were times when I felt weak and unsteady. When unexpected triggers would rise without warning and my body would tense before my thoughts could catch up. In those moments, trust felt fragile or non-existent. Yes, sometimes absent, but it was still being built.
Early in my journey, shame and others tried to tell me that those reactions meant I lacked faith. That I was still defined by what had happened or that I was not healed. I even had someone quote that Jesus always had healed instantly, so the issue was me.
But over time, as I learned who Christ truly is and allowed the Holy Spirit to speak louder than the voices of shame and people not on this journey, something shifted, something changed.
“Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees,
and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.”
Hebrews 12:12–13 (NKJV)
There have been and still can be times when my hands and head hung down. When my knees were feeble. When walking felt uneven.
Healing did not happen in a rush. It unfolded gradually. What once felt unstable did not remain that way.
I have learned that I can trust God even in uneven places. Not because I am strong enough on my own, but because the Lord is my strength. Even when triggers surface or others speak a false narrative. Even when emotions rise unexpectedly. Even when I feel the tremble before the calm.
Victory, for me, has been quiet. It has been steady. It has been learning that I am not walking alone.
A Small Gift as a Reminder
As a way of honoring this shared walk, I created an affirmation print based on Habakkuk 3:19.
It includes a printable version for your home and a mobile screensaver version for your phone. The affirmation, “He teaches my feet to stand,” is a quiet reminder that strength and steadiness are formed over time.
No pressure. No expectation. Just a small, free gift to carry with you as you continue walking in your journey of healing.
A Gentle Pause
If trust is still rebuilding for you, that does not mean you are failing.
If your steps feel uneven at times, that does not mean victory has left.
“He teaches my feet to stand.”
Strength is given.
Walking is learned.
Healing unfolds.
And you do not have to do this alone.
With love,
Minister Jane Coy
Still On The Journey
Join the Journey
This ministry is a labor of love and a bridge for those still on their journey. If these words have met you where you are, join the journey by supporting the work:
You can Buy Me A Tea, or bring a tool for the journey home with you — whether it’s a Hardcover Journal for reflection, an Affirmation Cuff Bracelet to wear your strength, or a Car Diffuser to change the atmosphere while you move.
